Monday, March 20, 2006

I think I should run for Congress (snark alert)


How hard could it be?

I mean most of the really hard things that Congress used to do aren't done anymore.

You don't have to actually write legislation anymore. The lobbyists, pharmeceutical companies, oil companies, credit card companies and industrial trade groups write legislation for you now. You don't even have to pretend to understand the arcane detail in the legislation you're voting on.

You don't have to review the budget. You see, the numbers don't really matter anymore. When you run out of money the treasury will just print more. The numbers are so big that they boggle the mind anyway so you can't possibly be expected to grasp the consequences of your spending.

You don't have to actually KNOW what the legislation is all about before you vote on it. This is really the beautiful part. All you have to do is watch your caucaus leader. If the leader gives a "thumbs up", you vote yes; thumbs down, you vote no. Simple. This way you're assured that you get all the benefits that party membership brings, like plumb committee assignments, "fact finding" missions to Hawaii or the Bahamas, and unfettered access to lobbyists with unlimited campaign contributions.

You don't have to practice silly, old-fashioned things like "oversight" of the Executive Branch. Whatever the Executive Branch wants you should just "trust them". We are at war you know, so the President MUST be given unlimited power and we'll just have to put the Legislative and Judicial Branches on ice until the war is over.

Actually campaigning will be easy too. The campaign slogan is simply, "I'll do whatever the President wants me to do." And, even if my opponent beats me to the punch by using that slogan first, I'll simply change it to "I can suck up to the President Better than my opponent."

See? It's all very, very simple....but

I can't understand how Dave Obey keeps getting re-elected. He doesn't do any of that.


No comments: