Friday, May 04, 2007

Comedy of Republicans...

I've been following reports about the Republican Presidential Candidates "debate"....debate if it means answering questions one-at-a-time without rebuttal...and laughing all day.

There seems so much comedy in there they should make these regular events...

From "Tweety's" softball (oops, I thought it was supposed to be Hardball ) questions to the stupid, sometimes barely coherent answers, to Tommy Thompsons, denial afterwards, it was are some of my favorite commentaries on the event.

Well, that illustrious group of geriatric honkeys known as the Republican presidential wannabes disembarked last night in what is for them the political equivalent of Taj Mahal, The Torture Museum in Amsterdam and a night out in Bangkok trolling for "massages" all rolled into one: Ronnie's Library. Also known as The House That Illicit Funds From Iran-For-Hostages Built. So what did we learn from this inevitably regal event?

1) Being a Republican means not only that Bin Laden is "Wanted Dead Or Alive" but also that "Bin Laden Is Going To Pay And He Will Die" (Romney) and you'll "Follow Bin Laden To The Gates Of Hell" (McCain). Because among your atavistic-anthropoid base, talking like you're in a John Wayne movie makes up for the fact that you guys couldn't catch The West Nile Virus--while sunning on the banks of The Nile, in the Full Monty and more sweat-drenched than Bill Bennett dreaming about the Bellagio.

6) Being a Republican means you absolutely detest the "culture of Hollywood." Even though if you'd played a drinking game last night for every time those silly sycophants on the stage mentioned Ronald Reagan, you'd have become Paula Abdul.

This from Cliff Schecter:

Romney: Bin Laden Is Going To Pay And "He Will Die"...McCain: I'll Follow Bin Laden "To The Gates Of Hell"...Hmmm...Where have I seen this before, um...That's right:"Wanted Dead Or Alive."

Here's the not so funny thing. He's alive. And we don't have him. So keep up the John Wayne talk guys, while your boss who you're so hesitant to criticize continues his six-year record of failing to catch the man who pulled off the single most deadly terrorist attack against the United States in our history.

And this from "The Rude Pundit"

It's truly hard to pick out the creepiest moment of last night's visit to the Gipper's Chamber of Horrors, the Republican candidates' debate at the Ronald Reagan Library (a name that still makes the Rude Pundit giggle). For sheer crazed insanity, it's hard to beat when John McCain proclaimed about Osama bin Laden, "We will track him down. We will capture him. We will bring him to justice, and I will follow him to the gates of hell," and then he smiled. Not just a regular smile - a full-on face-engulfing, scarred-cheek-stretching smile that McCain must have done thinking about gutting his captors while hanging by his arms on a bamboo wall in the Hanoi Hilton just before they beat him again. Scary, scary stuff.

And this from Digby

So, this will end up being a contest for best Ronald Reagan imitator, with Matthews no doubt feeding them straight lines. (It's too bad Rich Little bombed so badly because his Ronnie impression is actually damned good --- and I think he'd make a much better president than any of these guys.)If that sounds as stultifying to you as it does to me, perhaps you can liven it up with a rousing game of Conservative Failure Buzzword Bingo! It may be the only way to get through it.

And to bring us "home" here's the incomparable Tbogg riffing on Ann Althouse's live blog.

Which leads us to the best live-blogging ever.Let's start with point number two and let it flow over us
2. I didn't realize there was a debate today until someone asked me this morning if I was going to watch it. Oh, no. I guess I am. But how many candidates? 8 for the Democrats was pretty annoying, though the 8th guy -- Gravel -- did provide some comic relief. I have to listen to 10 Republicans? 10! Who the hell are they? 10? Let's see there's Giuliani and McCain... uh.... and Tommy Thompson but not Fred Thompson... conversation about whether Tommy gets any boost in popularity by having the same name as the strangely longed-for non-candidate Fred... so, come on, you only got 3. There's 10! Where's my coffee? I can't believe you don't even remember Romney. Oh, yeah, Romney. How could I forget? Who else? A Senator from Kansas? A Senator from Kansas, really? Not Dole... Brownback! Oh, he's from Kansas. How perfectly boring. Huckabee. Oh, yeah, Huckabee. He used to be fat. Yikes, that's still only 6! Who are the other 4? And I'm committing to listening to them? Ron Paul. He might be amusing. Who else? I look it up: Jim Gilmore, Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo. Oh, the pain.

Several "coffees" later:

13. Wow! Romney on health care! I have no idea if his policy is good. I'll have to read about it. But his form of expression was great here.


Suddenly a lightbulb goes off:

19. Guy! They're all guys! It just hit me. They're all white too. Should be a question on that

.At which point I was reminded of this:
Arthur: You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing GREAT with you!

When you get caught between the moon and Mogen David.I know it's crazy, but it's true

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