The "Onion" reports on General Petraeus

This was just too good to pass up....Our own, Wisconsin-home-grown Onion did their own analysis of General Petraeus' report to Congress. Here's the linky-thing....and the article:

Gen. David Petraeus gave his report on the effectiveness of the troop surge in Iraq to Congress Monday. Here are some of the most significant points:

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  Title Page, Acknowledgments, Introduction, Results, Conclusion, Appendix
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  Iraqi government officials still being assassinated, but just barely
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  Most U.S. soldiers can be relied upon to wake up on time
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  The six guys that Cameroon sent have been awesome
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  Due to overly negative review, footnote on every page stressing Patraeus' support of U.S. troops
  
  Two of the 18 political and security benchmarks have been met: Birthday parties for all Iraqi parliamentarians are in place, and nobody died at 3:19 a.m. on July 22
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  By weight, Americans are now the country's majority
  What a wild ride it's been